


every dear evan hansen fic ever

by brandneweyesvevo



Category: Be More Chill, Dear Evan Hansen, Hamilton - Fandom, Heathers
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 10:15:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11667084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brandneweyesvevo/pseuds/brandneweyesvevo
Summary: IM NKT FUNNY





	every dear evan hansen fic ever

**Author's Note:**

> i can't stop laughing i hate myself for this

one day evan 'perfect cinnamon roll' hansen was shyly walking to his first period class when jared 'a three dimensional character that this hell fandom has destroyed' kleinman stopped him.  
'gotdamn this fuckgni cronch' jared screeched, biting into a bath bomb.  
'oh no' evan said shyly, looking down shyly. 'uwu, give me cummies cronch daddy' he whispered shyly.  
'what the FUCK you FUCKING weeabo' jared screamed, starting to sweat bath bombs. they began to go everywhere. conner 'school shooter' murphy began screaming, pelting bath bombs at the two boys.  
'FUCK YOU LARRY THIS BATH BOMB IS FOR YOUR STUPID FUCKING GLOVE THAT AN ENTIRE SONG ON THE SOUNDTRACK IS ABOUT AND CAUSED OTHER SONGS THAT DEEPENED MY BACKSTORY TO GET CUT!' conner pterodactyl screeched. he pelted a lush intergalactic lush bath bomb at evan who screamed shyly.  
'not intergalactic!' he yelled shyly. amid all the commotion, zoe murphy fluttered in on her manic pixie dream girl wings.  
'CONNER WHAT THE FUCK YOU FINISHED THE MILK SKFJSJWBE' she screamed.  
'FUUUUUYYYYYCCCKKK!' conner screamed back. he began to morph into a mighty morphin power ranger.  
'why does your mighty morphin power ranger suit have marriage iguana leaves on it?' evan asked shyly.  
'fuck off weeb.' conner commanded, now 69 feet tall. 'i must demolish ma soeur.'  
'wen he speak french tongue emoji fire emoji clapping hands emoji' jared moaned, now thrusting into a bath bomb. 'that should be me' evan thought shyly. jared read his thoughts and winked. evan fuckiggn jizzed in his khaki pants shyly. 'FUCK YOU CONNER' zoe screamed, shooting milk out of her eyes at her brother. zoe grew to 420 feet tall. 'YOU KNOW I HATE MILK' conner screamed. 'THEN WHY DID YOU FINISH IT AJDKJSEJ' zoe shot more milk at conner, who now looked like a freshly bukkaked hoe. 'HE DIDNT FINISH IT. I DID.' evan confessed shyly. the murphy siblings necks shot down to evan like a gotdamn giraffe. 'WHAT GHE CUCKDISIAHHWQHSH' zoe pounded evan into the ground with her fist. all that was left of him was a small cinnamon roll. 'HE WAS MY TREE BRO!' conner roared. he quickly took a hit from his vape pen and blew some sick o's into zoe's face. 'vape nation baby' jared said, still thrusting a bath bomb. then alana 'WHERES HER FUCKING SOLO' beck appeared. 'DRUGS' she screamed, jumping 69 feet into the air and curbstomping conner. 'IT WAS A FUCKING PRANK BRO CHILL' conner screamed. 'WE WILL NEVER CHILL CAUSE CHILL IS FOR THE WEEK.' alana started singing her favorite bring me the horizon song. conner died because he hated fake poser metal like bmth. 'WHERES MY SON' heidi 'milf money' hansen appeared, clutching the cinnamon roll. 'we had to kill him. he was a weeabo.' jared said, drinking his bath bomb smoothie. suddenly heidi's head was taken off by a sharpened tony. 'stephanie j block?!' zoe yelled, back to her normal height. 'THATS WHAT U GET FOR ROBBING ME U DUMB WHORE.' stephanie screamed. christian borle then stomped the cinnamon roll. 'i concur.' he said, his bald head glistening like a freshly laid egg. cynthia and larry murphy appeared next. 'ding dong the witch is dead!' they sang, dancing around conners body. 'jd and veronica what are you doing here?' alana asked, the two toxic ass motherfckers appearing. 'we're here to warn you about what's to come. all the animations of songs. all the pointless ships.' veronica said. 'hamilton and be more chill would be here, but they got killed along the way.' jd said. 'oh fuck.' everyone said. jared then nutted into his bath bomb. the end


End file.
